glvalentine: (nerd alert)
Strange Horizons has asked for testimonials from people who enjoy Strange Horizons, as a way of boosting the signal for their fund drive. I hesitated; then, John Scalzi offered to match donations. So, it's rare personal-story time, I guess!

In 2007, I was working 15-hour days at a day job that was steamrolling me like the last scene of A Fish Called Wanda. I hadn't written a word of fiction in years; I had been working on a novel, but it had ground to a halt amid my crazy work hours, and I was reaching the "Why bother?" horizon. (Then I waved my fan and demanded we cancel the cotillion.)

On a whim, I wrote a short story about a cop who gets transplanted into a new body, and how that affects his life and his relationship with his partner (cop partners have been my favorite thing in the world since I started watching Homicide: Life on the Street as a kiddo). I figured it was too strange for anyone to publish, but on the encouragement of a friend, I submitted it to Strange Horizons, which seemed accepting of more unusual stuff and whose fiction really appealed.

"29 Union Leaders Can't Be Wrong"'s acceptance in Strange Horizons was what convinced me to make a go of writing. So, blame them for everything, is what I'm saying. Also maybe give them money.

Bonus incentive: comment here that you donated (even before today!), and I will either write up a movie of that person's choice (within reason), or tell an embarrassing personal anecdote. (I'll do it on faith, though if a hundred people comment here, I had better see that rocket ship filled up with SO MUCH BLOOD.)
glvalentine: (Default)
Someday I will watch a movie or TV show that is well-made, and I will enjoy it deeply.

Today is not that day.

1. This morning, I posted my newest Abridged Classic, which gives you the astoundingly ridiculous, astoundingly shirtless, astoundingly racist Pathfinder. If you are one-tenth as appalled as I was when I was watching this movie for the first time, then I'll be happy.

2. This afternoon, I wrote up the pilot of Defying Gravity for Tor.com. I wish I could have snarked it harder, or really dug into the underlying hilarity, but it's so dull that trying to snark it meaningfully would just be like those infomercials where some poor disembodied pair of hands tries to cut a tomato with a conventional knife and nothing happens, and then you just worry that somehow the tomato knows what you did and will try to come after you when you sleep. Or something. I'm not watching it again, is what I'm saying. You are not even worth my ire, show!

(I mean, eventually there has to be SOMETHING good, right? Right?)
glvalentine: (Default)
Wow. These peach cupcakes that look exactly like peaches are AMAZING. EXACTLY LIKE PEACHES.

I am in awe of anyone who puts this kind of effort into making beautiful food. Hats off! (I am currently eating leftover pad thai straight from the fridge because warming it up would take two whole minutes, and it would make a dish dirty, and it's just a lot of work, okay?!)
glvalentine: (costume)
Three of the most useful LJ entries ever made:

19th Century Fashion, 1800-1829

19th Century Fashion, 1830-1859

19th Century Fashion, 1860-1897


People who write stories set in the past (and located in America and/or Western Europe), check briefly the year of your story's setting against the costumes here. Some serious shit goes down in the 19th century, okay? In 180mumble, your character could be dressed with elegance. By 1820, she better have something else happening on that dress. Hint: ruffles and poufs, and sleeves that are wider than her head. (Don't look at me, I just report the news.) By 1850, if she didn't have a hoop skirt on, don't even ASK what would happen. (Mostly because I don't know. Fahsion police?)

Every time I glance at the scope of silhouettes in 19th-century fashion, it's boggling how many silhouettes they actually went through, as if they were trying to make women as uncomfortable (yet decorative!) as possible and kept trying different methods until women revolted. Then it was time for a NEW uncomfortable silhouette!

Also, in the late 1820s and early 1830s, it was illegal for a woman to have shoulders. Fact. You showed up with a shoulder seam? A month in the brig. (There were nothing but brigs back then, too.) By 1840, you could have a shoulder as long as it was halfway to your elbow. According to these pictures, looks like women finally earned back the right to natural shoulder seams around 1873.*


* None of that is true. Except the shoulder seam parts.**

** And the brig parts.
glvalentine: (Default)
Descended from Darkness is now available for pre-order from Apex! It contains stories by [livejournal.com profile] maryrobinette, Theodora Goss, and Ekaterina Sedia, whose "Mind of a Pig" vindicates something deep down in both my Charlotte's Web-hating* and my vegetarian hearts, which, come to think of it, are very difficult to hit at the same time.


* Yeah, I hated it. What? That ending was bull. I'm an arachnophobe and even I'm Team Charlotte.
glvalentine: (Default)
Gillian Kearney was in The Tide of Life, and I liked her because:

1) She is a sweetie, and
2) She has leftover goodwill from being in The Forsyte Saga, where she was repeatedly whacked with the short end of the stick.

But she should just be lucky that she made very few bad decisions in that miniseries, which made her the only one.

When I saw The Forsyte Saga back in 2004, I wrote it up for Defenestration, because I was amazed that you could yell, "What a terrible plan!" at EVERY character you saw EVERY time ANYONE did something and it would ALWAYS be right. I saw it again last year, and seriously, it's like a How Not To Do This of bad decision-making.

(Disclaimer: At the end of Forsyte Saga: To Let, I cried so hard I basically bruised a lung. So don't think that just because I'm snarking means the miniseries isn't good. It's good; Damian Lewis and Amanda Root carry even the dull parts of the original series, and Damian Lewis pulls the entire second series basically by himself, and his performance is good. It's really good. It's so good it bruises your lungs when you sob like a nerd through the end credits.)
glvalentine: (kitty the typewriter girl)
Here, have a small links list!

* I am on Dreamwidth. (Same name.) I have no plans to move, but maybe to mirror, but who knows since my name on that header's so freaking big I might as well just leave it empty and call it performance art.

* Eventually I have to stop pretending I'm fumbling around and just admit I Twitter. I'm sure my mom is proud of me.

* And she should be proud, because the Sybil's Garage TOC that includes me has a lineup of awesome names, the most awesome of which is Enkidu, history's most unintentionally hilarious name.
glvalentine: (omg no)
I know how much everyone wanted to see Midnight Bayou and just didn't get around to it.

Lifetime, harbingers of unintentional hilarity, put it on their site in nine convenient chunks you have to click around to find! Nice job, Lifetime.

For those who want the spinning-bed sex, you'll want to check out the last few minutes of Part 3, where Jerry O'Connell faints, then immediately asks a woman out for coffee, then immediately sexes her.

If you're looking for the accidental "your mom" joke, it's about 1:40 into Part 7. Without the stone-serious hour that precedes it, you're sort of missing out on the full impact, but there's no way to really miss out on a "your mom" joke, so if you just want to click through and see what happened to Jerry O'Connell's face, go on ahead.
glvalentine: (Default)
1. At some point, I will have to take the plunge and start using my Twitter. I keep going to the point of logging on and then shrinking back as if from crystal meth.

2. If someone like Junot Diaz ever blurbs MY book as "Cool as fuck," I will tattoo those words. On someone else. (I don't like pain. Plus, when you're cool as fuck, people do what you want!)

3. Spring is coming; the guy whose backyard backs up to my building is out in his plastic chair, barefoot, shirt open, reading the paper. I also know this as "that time of year when I keep my blinds closed all the time."

4. The exhibit book that accompanies the Gothic fashion exhibit contains about fifteen photos of material actually in the exhibit. The exhibit had something like seventy-five pieces. There will be more about this.

5. In better gown news, Megan Mylan's mother stopped by my Oscar dress post to give me the details on her daughter's Oscar dress, which was designed by Megan's grandmother, who went to the Pratt Institute as a fashion illustrator. Megan promised to wear it if she ever got nominated. Basically, it is the coolest, sweetest thing ever. For once I have used the internet for good, and not for evil!

glvalentine: (Default)
Next time you're in New York on a weekend evening, walk past the hilariously-named O'Charley's; the woman's monotone voiceover - inviting you in for happy hour - plays over the glaring neon mess of signs and the press of people; it all recreates the huge speaking billboard in Blade Runner. (Unintentionally...I think.)
glvalentine: (Default)
Movie-you-shouldn't-have-to-bother-renting alert: right now they're showing Idiocracy on Comedy Central.

It's not a perfect movie, or even a good movie, but quotes from it are relevant to my daily life at least once a week, which is a sad state of affairs for the world as we know it. Oh, well; you could do worse things with a Sunday night then get a glimpse of the future.

"Welcome to Costco. I love you."
glvalentine: (Default)
Because it gives you a recipe for salted water:

When salting water for cooking, use 1 tablespoon of salt for every 4 quarts of water.


And the eight hundred reviews of the recipe.

* As a Canadian, I am on the metric system and have no idea what a quart is. Furthermore, I had to substitute beavers for the salt, and beer for water. The boiling process caused my igloo to melt, leaving me homeless. Two forks.

* I used iodized sea salt and added an extra 1/8 tsp. Definitely upped the ante. My guests were begging me for the recipe.

* I have been making something similar to this since it first appeared in Gourmet magazine in 1992. But I misplaced the recipe years ago and have had to improvise since, with out much luck. Thank you Epicurious for reacquainting me with this oldie but goody!


My own review: this website gave me my review for lemon icing. Proceed with caution.
glvalentine: (Default)
New Watchmen Photos are up.

Largely spoiler-free take: This looks by far like the most faithful Alan Moore movie adaptation; not that I expect him to emerge from his lair and go see it, but I'm excited to see stills from a movie that looks like it took the graphic novel seriously. (I actually like V for Vendetta as a film [haters to the left!], but it's like a second cousin of the graphic novel, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was like a guy at a frat party overheard someone in a back room explaining part of the premise and was like, "Holy crap, I am going to make the SHIT out of this movie!" So for me these pictures are very exciting.)

ETA: The comments have some minor spoilers.
glvalentine: (costume)



Well, this is awfully useful.

(And by useful I mean, I think I want a yellow coat, even though I always look like I died of consumption where I wear it.)

ETA: I wish she had links to all the outside sources! Clearly this is for general inspiration and not hard-core research.
glvalentine: (nerd alert)
I'll be staring at these soothing fish instead.

Click to feed them; they also follow your cursor. They also put you into a dopamine stupor - just saying.

glvalentine: (kitty the typewriter girl)
Life has released some of its photo archive on Google, our pixelated overlord.

It's history-licious!
glvalentine: (Default)
How about some "sexy tights" for your preteen girl?

You keep it classy, world.
glvalentine: (Default)
I don't know how this happened, but it's glorious.

Ghetto-Fabulous Genghis Kahn.

My favorite (tied with "It'll make you so fresh, straight up!" and the accompanying sparkly breeze):



It gets crazy hot, for real though! (I love the dude with one vanishing arm who's trying to lick a skillet. They must get geniuses up in there all the time.)

ETA: Via Serious Eats, which is 90% posts about meat, 9% posts about the Dessert Truck, and 1% this thing.
glvalentine: (omg no)
So, getting your nose broken for a chance at an autographed poster is crazy. We agree.

You know what else is crazy? The men from Why Women Hate Men, a deconstruction of various personal ads and what makes them eye-gougingly horrible. I would also rather date an imaginary vampire than any of these guys. (via devildoll.) (Also, NSFW. Um, obviously.)

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glvalentine: (Default)
Genevieve Valentine

September 2010

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