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The Middleman, a show cut long before its time, is finally out on DVD. I give it a review over at The jist of it is, "Dear show, I love you. Love, a Peter Piping Weirdo."

But that's just the beginning! I have a short photo essay and some teeth-gnashing left!

My blog post is sheer elegance in its you-know-the-drill. )


Mar. 21st, 2009 10:15 pm
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It's that time again; Xanadu is on TV at 10:30pm EST. Family Channel, for those of you at home.*

I haven't seen this puppy since high school, when I went to someone's house under the promise of "the most stylish movie ever."** (Said person may or may not have since become a drag queen; studies are inconclusive.)

At the time, I remember thinking:

1) The dude in this movie is Swan from The Warriors.
2) Rent was due for poor Gene Kelly.
3) That's not bad for rollerskates!

* Which keeps airing ads for "Sophie," a show about a woman who gets dumped. For THIS you canceled The Middleman? WHAT THE HELL, ABC.

** This is not true. I will disprove this in picture form at some point when I am not watching Xanadu.
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Yesterday, the Post reported the saddest TV exclusive in a long time: they've cancelled the Middleman. I sob about it over at

Middleman gone forever, Tin Man in the works. It is not a good week for TV.

Hint: Dear Sci Fi channel, PICK UP THE MIDDLEMAN. You already have all those CGI dinosaur effects you can use, and your expenses will drop a lot once Battlestar Galatica is over and you can start auctioning off all that memorabilia!
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On, I babble about how the Middleman DVDs are actually happening.

This makes today much cooler than, say, Monday, when the DVD promise did not yet exist. But if you give a mouse a cookie, she's gonna want details on the special features.

My dream list of special features would be:

- Table readings for all the episodes. This isn't as nuts as it sounds; from ABC Family's own site, we know they filmed at least, what, five? I'm sure they shoved a camcorder in a corner most times.

- Episode commentaries with the principal actors - and without Javier Grillo-Marxuach. He can have separate commentaries, of course, but in my dream DVD sets the actors never have to compete with the director.

Best exmaple ever: the LOTR commentaries. Peter Jackson and company talked about themes and planning and triumph and all sorts; the actors made fun of each other and talked shit about the dialect coaches.

- Screen tests!

- Behind the scenes filming. Waaaant.

- Storyboards or other information from the planned 13th episode.

- Bloopers. You know their bloopers are amazing.

- Things I know I am missing. What am I missing?

glvalentine: (nerd alert)
1. TV departed - my list of Eight Reasons You Should be Downloading the First Season of “The Middleman” is live at Fantasy Magazine. Because if my weekly gibberings haven't convinced you, then by god, a numbered list will!

2. TV present - I think weekends on the SciFi channel are designed to sap my will to live. The fact that I watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves WILLINGLY, THREE TIMES rather than watch the SciFi channel is proof of how bad the SciFi movies are; when I can't sit through something, you know it's bad news. The TiVo descriptions are like poetry, though. And by "poetry", I mean "the poem Joey from third grade wrote about how he would use his pet dragon to burn up his little sister, and suddenly the teacher decided it was time for recess and sent Joey to the nurse".

3. TV forthcoming - I will, of course, be following every episode of Eleventh Hour (for the four episodes I suspect will air before they can it). I will be reporting on it here. I need some kind of ASCII shorthand for "googly eye", but otherwise I'm rarin' to go on this one. Sewell, dude, you knew this day would come.

(Fun fact: I've written more about Rufus Sewell in this blog than I have about any other actor. That's really bizarre to me, because if you ask me to give you a list of my favorite actors, he's on it, but I'd probably give you a list of twenty guys and then I'd call you later and be like, "Oh! And Rufus Sewell. And that guy who played Roe in Band of Brothers. And Jim Boadbent.")

4. High on that list would be Julian Rhind-Tutt, who I do like as an actor, but whose name I would put on the list regardless, because HIS NAME IS JULIAN RHIND-TUTT. This actually counts as TV, too, since he was on "Keen Eddie", which I watched for all thirteen episodes until they canned it. This also means I got to hate Sienna Miller before it was cool to hate her.

5. Which reminds me, I'm ripe for disliking another "blonde and winning" TV lady! Marley Shelton, I'm looking at you.
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My little pony, the season's over already!

Wendy's hiding from the truth, poor thing. It's okay, Wendy! I loved it!

NOTE: There are two chunks of my episode that I'm missing. For spoiler purposes they're under the cut, but my review can only comprise the 90% of the episode that did not get sliced off by mattress ads.

Come with me if you want to live. )
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I loved this episode, don't get me wrong, but the Things I Didn't Love list is back this week. It's at the top. You can just scroll past it if you want!

The jacket? 100% cotton. The man? 100% dorktacular.

But I was just about to order a cruller named after the invasion of Crete! )
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Inspired by the really horrible dress Wendy Watson wears in the Middleman's Titanic episode, I decided I wanted to write about my prom here. (I went to prom, can you believe it? You can't, can you. I understand.)

"Just a quick post," I thought, clearly high off my neighbor's paint fumes. "A couple of pictures, some anecdotes, and we'll be all set! It'll be fun."

Then I realized I had no prom pictures within a 300-mile radius. No problem! Hit up a friend!

The friend had no pictures. Then the friend mentioned two or three things about our prom, none of which I remembered.

So what was a short post is going to turn into a journey, as I try to piece together what the hell happened at my high school prom and how someone who doesn't drink could have blacked out on so much stuff.

(No joke, I'm not even sure we had a limo; all I remember is that I didn't drive, because I remember looking out a passenger window of some kind after 40 minutes of driving and thinking, "This person is going to pull over into the woods and murder us all." For this reason, I'm really hoping that it was a limo driver and not, say, one of my friends' parents.)

So! The journey of a prom, about ten years later. There will be intermittent posts about this until I can actually get my hands on photographs and remember what the hell went on.

First of all, I made my dress, which meant I missed out on buying prom magazines, which are more interesting than I could ever have imagined, judging by the ladypose in this ad:

Now, the ad is for a dress, but, uh, you could have fooled me.

P.S. Though I suspect I'll have a post where I do nothing but ask this, I'm asking it now and will do so every time I post about prom: what about YOU? Did you go? Did you spill pig's blood on Carrie? Did you, like one of the kids in my class, go to Paris instead? (Damn you, smart kid!)

ETA: If you did not attend an American prom, but some other sort of fancy dance evening for which people dress up and act like assholes, you should still answer this question!


Aug. 5th, 2008 08:51 pm
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The Middleman's preprogrammed autopilot destinations, in this order:

* Church
* The creamery
* Top-secret headquarters
* The duck pond.
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No intro. Everyone knows how I feel about The Middleman. Instead, have two miniscule promotional thumbnails (come ON, ABC Family, release some of these in a decent size, fandom can't pull icons out of nowhere!) and then right into the review, which contains a Young Riders shout-out, no lie:

It may all seem like light and magic at first, but the next thing you know the walls are bleeding and you've got 25 pregnant women running around screaming 'Mary, Mary, Mary!' and clawing their eyes out with knitting needles while your own hair grows to three times its length and tries to strangle you. )
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So, The Middleman happened last night!

"So Wendy, do you know why Genevieve chose such a teeny picture?"
"Could it be because ABC Family is really [BLEEP] at promoting this show and didn't put out any sort of real promotional stills for this episode?"
"...or she hates your dress."

Whenever unexpected shrimp or crab appear in the context of a homicide, we're not far behind. )
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Last night's Middleman was about a boyband, and featured less than five minutes of actual boyband members. That's how you know a show is trying to keep me happy.

According to the Middleman, it's Recap O'Clock.

Hawks of the Luftwaffe, that's it! You've cracked it! )


Jul. 15th, 2008 10:36 am
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Last night was a really amazing episode of The Middleman, you say? Wendy's a little skeptical:

But if you say so, I guess we'd better talk about it!

If we don't find an antidote, her heart's gonna explode like a sausage casing full of weasels. )
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Let's have a chat about The Middleman last night, shall we?

But first, a screencap from the show's webpage proving this show is concentrating on what is really important:


Carl Faberge's gonna be piiiiissed. )


Jul. 2nd, 2008 10:27 am
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This is absolutely not the visual style of The Middleman, even though is is a behind-the-scenes picture of filming. However, I'd be fine if it was the visual style for everything else in the world. I need this photographer to follow me around and make me look deep and meaningful all the time.
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Six reasons you should be watching The Middleman.

1. It's the sort of show that fills its promo shots with bubbles, because who the hell cares?

You kiss your mother with that mouth, huh? Garbage mouth? Yes, you!  )


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Genevieve Valentine

September 2010

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