glvalentine: (Default)
[Scene: a tango practica. GENEVIEVE is approached by PUSHY TANGO WOMAN, who rubbed intimate parts all over Genevieve the only time Genevieve made the mistake of dancing with her. PTW is known for approaching leaders and demanding they dance with her. It usually works.]

PTW: Are you going to lead me?
G: Oh! Well, I have my street shoes on, I was on my way out.
PTW: Let me ask you - do you just not want to dance with me any more? Because I've asked you, like, twelve times in the last year and you always say no. Is it that you don't want to dance with me any more?

[GENEVIEVE dies inside that someone is so unable to get a clue.]

G: [trying to allow PTW some dignity] I just usually dance with friends.
PTW: Well, I'm your friend, and I REALLY liked dancing with you. Just tell me you don't want to dance with me! I'm asking!
G: I usually prefer to dance with my friends, I'm sorry.
PTW: Fine!

[PTW suddenly morphs into Glenn Close.]

PTW: ...we're still friends.
G: ...
PTW: Well, goodbye.

[PTW sits down, stares directly at Genevieve.]


I should feel creeped out, but instead I am just MORTIFIED that someone is so unable to read a room that after 12 "No"s she's still trying for "Yes".

Other people need more shame. It would spare me being ashamed on their behalf.
glvalentine: (kitty the typewriter girl)
1. Fun story! This morning on my way to work there were some workmen across the street. (Just so we set the scene, I was in loose pants, top, loose blazer.) I got the following.

Worker: *wolf whistle* *WOLF WHISTLE* Hey sexy! Hey! HEY YOU! HEY, BITCH, WHERE ARE *YOU* GOING? BITCH!

And I kept my eyes ahead of me and my hand on my cell phone because he had other men with him and I was alone, and at 8:00am one block from an elementary school I was worried that this guy would run after me for not being appreciative of his attention.

There's no red button in the world big enough, okay? There's just not.

2. I am planning a big post for the tango bitchface filter, showing what real tango is and is not, with multiple video examples, some of which are flattering, some of which are really not. I have no desire to publicly humiliate (most of) these people, so if you want in on the [tango bitchface] filter, speak up!

3. I had my tango lesson yesterday. Very interesting. This'll be a separate post. It's all about free will! Well, free will and high heels.

4. Uh, I like cake! (Now I'm just filling.)

5. I should have made this post just three things.
glvalentine: (costume)
You said, "You know, my weekend feels ugly-dress-free. Someone needs to fix that!"

And I totally heard you.

To review the design features of this dress:

Bubble hem (primary color); smocked sides (secondary color); gathered shoulders (secondary color); button-tab back detail (primary and secondary colors); back tie (secondary color); huge motherfucking chain mail drape from self-fabric attached necklace (dude, CHAIN MAIL).

I just...I feel like this was supposed to be spread out among seven designs, but the index cards for each dress went into a single envelope by mistake and the seamstresses got it and said, "Well, if that's what they want..."


A: Hell yes I would!


Mar. 11th, 2008 11:50 am
glvalentine: (nerd alert)
Nothing says "I didn't sleep well" like flailing around Livejournal before noon.

But the sleep deprivation was for the sake of productivity: polishing two short stories*, nerves about dancing tonight, and working on my video proof that Julian Sands eats kittens.

It's beginning to look like a THIRTY-MINUTE REVIEW, which seems like more than this movie deserves, but I have a three-minute sequence just detailing this guy's obsession with whimpering women, and there's hours more where that came from. (Oh, just FYI, the uncut footage of whimpering, where I just slapped it all up to see how long it would be if I let it run? Over TEN MINUTES.)

Also, I vacillate wildly between thinking this movie is a huge failure as a horror/drama or a huge success as a camp comedy. Part of this is the music, which is so much better than this movie deserves that it's sort of painful. Dear Ennio Morricone, if you don't want me to be invested, cease being awesome!

See, just writing this entry I changed my mind from "Man, he has issues with women up the wazoo" to, "But it's SO HILARIOUS we can't possibly be meant to take it seriously," to, "I just DON'T KNOW."

I'm afraid he's totally serious. He seems like he's really into his "art", you know? One of his soundbites about this movie talked about how rats and insects really are telepathic. I'm just saying.

*And some word count on the novel, but man, that's not REMOTELY polished. That's shoving the plot-boulder forward by inches.


Jan. 20th, 2008 02:11 pm
glvalentine: (omg no)
" - so she was like, 'AIDS isn't funny, don't joke about it'," and I was like, 'Dude, I don't have AIDS, you don't have AIDS, like, what's the problem?'"

Oh, how I long for our alien overlords.


Nov. 27th, 2007 11:27 am
glvalentine: (Default)
An open letter.

To: Those guys in my building (and across the world) who walk up to the lobby elevator bank, see that the "up" arrow is pressed, and press it again anyway, convinced that the pure manhood of their finger-sebum will convince the mechanism to descend more swiftly;

Cc: That family of tourists practicing their off-to-see-the-Wizard routine on a narrow sidewalk in the middle of Times Square, one of the busiest intersections in the world;

Cc: That girl who stands right in front of the doors in the subway car and has no intention of moving evenwhen there's plenty of room elsewhere, thus forcing everyone in rush-hour traffic to squeeze in and out of the car past her and her huge tote bag (this girl, and I know you all have seen her, is ALWAYS carrying a tote bag that seems to defy the laws of physics, and seriously, it's not like she's carrying a pile of good books in there, you know?);

Bcc: The girl who, when I politely pointed out that the coffee she had just grabbed was actually my boss's, since I had been waiting ten minutes for it and she had just moved to the counter from the register, recoiled as though I had beaten her and shrieked, "exCUSE me, OKAY?" and then looked around her as though gathering witnesses for the deposition;

I know from experience that I will run into at least one of you later today.

That will be one very, very unlucky run in for you.

Enjoy your day!


PS. And I'll be forwarding this to the Met Store, from whom I have never purchased a thing, and who insist on sending me piles of paper catalogs despite repeated orders to stop, and continue to flood my inbox with 45-dollar enamel ornament gift set offers despite repeated orders to stop. I know where the Met is, and I'm not afraid to go there and slap somebody if that's what it takes, okay, Met Store?


glvalentine: (Default)
Genevieve Valentine

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