Nov. 27th, 2009 12:18 pm
glvalentine: (Default)
Dear Entertainment Weekly,

Just for future reference, when I see this ad:

...I am not quite sure what is being advertised, you know?

(Seriously, who sees this copy and is like, "Quickly, bring me that picture of the vaguely-underage actors!"?)

Oh, SIR.

May. 19th, 2009 08:59 pm
glvalentine: (Default)
Raise your hand if you don't know what it means when a stranger you're trying to chat up gives you one-word answers and refuses to make eye contact and keeps looking for their stop.

I am a little Aspy myself, so sometimes a social cue just flies right over my head. I get it. But for fuck's sake, if a stranger doesn't look at you when you're trying to strike up a conversation? Stop talking to them.

I felt so sorry for this woman on the bus, I can't even say.
glvalentine: (Default)
In case I wasn't sure how I envision hell, now I know. It's the diner on the Upper East Side that had the blaring music, the multiple-TV cacophony, the unceasing shriek and bang of a hundred poorly-supervised children, and Stroller Parking packed tight.

The amount of time between opening that door to go inside and being on the far side of it, safely at the curb, cannot be measured with the naked eye.

The good news is that it looked like there was a bar, so maybe the people who have to work there can at least drown their sorrows with some gin or something. Bottoms up, helldwellers!

Oh, youth.

Apr. 8th, 2009 08:47 pm
glvalentine: (Default)
It has begun. Everywhere you turn in Manhattan, a charter bus is spitting out four dozen slackjawed senior-year Civics students.

Uniformed in skinny jeans and multiple scarves, armed with iPhones, they stand in clumps on the sidewalk, lost in a haze of their own youthful hormones, trying desperately to look unimpressed.

These teens, somehow, are infinitely worse series of businesslike pro tourists with their precision unloads and the speedy point-and-walk tour guides. Something about three hundred adolescents before coffee in the morning just beats you down, you know?

(This morning, one of them whispered under her breath to a boy, "Everything's so TALL!" When he laughed, she shrugged and laughed, too, and said, "Whatever, it's lame," and it was more fraught than a Merchant Ivory movie. I could hardly walk through the unspoken feelings.)
glvalentine: (omg no)
There are musical theatre majors who rent the townhouse across from my apartment. They like to gather on the small patio and sing songs from Les Mis and Pippin at 11 at night.

One of them has been singing Alicia Keys' "No One" for two hours.

She has ranged from a step to a half-step flat. She has yet to hit the chorus on key, in two hours of very loud attempts. (I mean, even Alicia Keys can't hit this phrase live. Just don't try!)

She sings through her nose. She has been singing through her nose for two hours.

I very much hope she is singing into a hairbrush, because if she plans to do anything with that voice, it is going to be a looooong year.


Feb. 4th, 2009 02:06 pm
glvalentine: (nerd alert)
Okay, so I am totally ignoring my own anecdotal evidence from last year and hitting Comic Con this Saturday.

Where can I stop by and say hi to any of you guys before I beat down that boombbox Stormtrooper and get forcibly ejected?*

* Just not the Dollhouse panels, okay? My opinion of Joss Whedon is so poisonous it can clear a room. I'll meet you after. We'll get coffee.
glvalentine: (omg no)
Earlier this week we had to go to The Mall to pick up a holiday gift item. While we were there, we passed Hot Topic, and there was no way I wasn't going in there.

You guys, it was awfultastic. I lasted about forty-five seconds, and that was all I needed to see.

The good news is: if you didn't think Christmas was good the first time, it's never too late for a do-over as long as it's Twilight stuff!

For The Special Girl in Your Viewfinder: a tee that tells her why you care enough to rent that cherry picker all the time.

For The Man You'll Regret Marrying by the Time You're Twenty: a pair of rings that reminds you of your place any time you feel like having an opinion.

For Your Child Who's Probably Going to Resent You Anyway: might as well!

Yes, these are actual items. I don't know what to tell you.

In better news, what I actually got for Christmas:

* A pair of loafers. They're orthopedic. (What? Your arches aren't gonna support themselves! See you when I'm eighty, suckers!)

My family is super pragmatic and tends to give totally unsurprising and useful gifts. My sister got a wind-up radio/flashing help signal for her trunk. It's awesome.
glvalentine: (Default)
When he returns to Britain, [Richard] Griffiths plans to lobby Prime Minister Gordon Brown for better rights for grumpy old men.

"I've no time for youth. It's a source of envy and despair. Daniel comes raving to me about the latest band he's been listening to and I have no idea what he's talking about. It just makes me feel so old. In fact, I shall have him beaten soundly before I go home. I mean he's young, handsome, successful...everything unbearable."
glvalentine: (Default)
1. A lot of 7-year-old boys dressed as Heath Ledger's Joker. I am an old lady, I guess, but the idea that a lot of 7-year-old boys saw that movie sort of freaks me out. Go have a childhood, damn.

2. Best costume of the night: French-maid zombie fairy nurse. You stay decisive, young lady!
glvalentine: (Default)
You know you're old when you email a friend and ask, "Are we calling shenanigans?"


I also managed to dredge up an old high school nickname: Guttermouth. Yeah, I went to high school in 1905.
glvalentine: (kitty the typewriter girl)
Dear Story,

Oh yeah? Well, I hate you too! So there.


glvalentine: (Default)
I work way too close to Bryant Park; every Fashion Week the sidewalks become one huge underfed, overcaffeinated, oddly-dressed Volksmarsch. I understand the influx, just not the awe; why are they wandering slowly and peering into windows? Is it a Dickens novel, suddenly? Are they looking for polling places?

Maybe the 15-year-old Lithuanians can get away with the gawping, but some of these people are grizzled department editors who have clearly lived here since before I was born. It's a Starbucks, you guys. Your assistants go there to get your coffee. Just breathe and step out of the line of traffic; you'll be all right.
glvalentine: (Default)
You know, the first five minutes of the Matrix with Trinity's fight and escape is seriously one of the best movie openings in the history of movies, no joke. I remember the midnight opening; the place was packed, and the first time Trinity jump-kicked and the camera pivoted around her the place ERUPTED in shouts and applause.

This old-geezer rocking-chair story brought to you by AMC, which now randomly shows The Matrix and Jurassic Park now instead of Pandora's Box or any other movies I would consider "old".

Also, Hugo Weaving has really managed to get into more mythic movies than anyone else ever. Nice one, V.

Also also, this movie looks like it was sponsored by the Chartreuse Council. Chartreuse - for when your greens need to look as sickly as possible.


glvalentine: (Default)
Genevieve Valentine

September 2010

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