glvalentine: (Default)
Yesterday, the Post reported the saddest TV exclusive in a long time: they've cancelled the Middleman. I sob about it over at Tor.com.

Middleman gone forever, Tin Man in the works. It is not a good week for TV.

Hint: Dear Sci Fi channel, PICK UP THE MIDDLEMAN. You already have all those CGI dinosaur effects you can use, and your expenses will drop a lot once Battlestar Galatica is over and you can start auctioning off all that memorabilia!
glvalentine: (omg no)
Someone who wants my blood pressure to go up sent me this:

Sci Fi Channel Wants To Return To Oz With Tin Man Series.

Now, I am not sure how else I can articulate how bad an idea this is. I did all I possibly could.

I genuinely don't understand this. The miniseries was horribly written, all the actors looked like hostages, and the best worldbuilding they could come up with was a literal underground with only one easily-blocked exit. And this is when they had TIME. Heaven help us when they're churning something out every week. And by "us" I mean "people who are not me," because there's a limit, even for me, and on Hour Six of that miniseries, I reached it.
glvalentine: (omg no)
When I logged on this morning to search for a quote from Barb Wire (a movie I've never even seen - welcome to my life! It makes sense if you're me!) I was greeted with this ad:



Really? Are you sure about that?

Because I've got about eighteen thousand words that say otherwise.

Dear Emmy voters: THINK ABOUT THIS. If you vote "Yes" to this miniseries, you are suggesting that Sci Fi should make MORE. Sci Fi is already plenty busy churning out classics like Aztec Rex, okay? It doesn't need encouragement to put out meandering, overblown bullshit. It's doing JUST FINE.

DEAR GOD DON'T VOTE FOR TIN MAN.
glvalentine: (Default)
Things I did this weekend:


  • Continued to sound like Bea Arthur, to the amusement of many.

  • Left the house for socializing purposes THREE TIMES! This is a miracle, you guys, for real.

  • Danced a little tango. I'll have more to say on this later.

  • Finished TIN MAN. I clearly have plenty to say on this right now! The cumulative word count for this review is shameful.

  • Dreamed of going to London two nights in a row. My alarm went off before I ever actually land in London, but I got to hang around two imaginary airports!

  • Wrote, like, ten words. I blame my cold, which was like balancing a lead balloon on my neck.



Plans for this week center around getting a state ID. Yay, queuing!
glvalentine: (omg no)
That's right, you guys - this is the last installment of the Tin Man miniseries. I have erased it from my TiVo with murderous glee, and am ridiculously proud to bring you this last horrific look into the mind of a madman director and the cast he probably blackmailed.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6


LAST TIME, ON TIN MAN:
Free-agency-less DG was hanging out with her creepy and remarkably hairy dad, dropping exposition like sandbags across this fair land of teeny-tiny weather systems. Azkadellia, sans one boobybat, was totally following them with her laser-gun horseback posse. The Old Roadies were free, then captured, then free, then in a rebel camp, and as we faded out it was time to torture the shit out of Zero.

This Week, on TIN MAN. THE END, YOU GUYS. )

Well, as ends the miniseries, so ends this recap. What can I say? It’s been real.

...real, real sucky.
glvalentine: (omg no)
We're at Part Three! One hour to go!

To find out what everyone's been writing in their Mystic Man Trapper Keepers, check out:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

PREVIOUSLY, ON TIN MAN: A hot mess.

This week on TIN MAN: You'd think by hour five we'd be out of Exposition Flats and into the Action Forest. You'd be wrong. )
glvalentine: (omg no)
This brings us to the end of Part Two. Not that you'd know it from the pacing, but whatever!

For the first glimpses of the boobs that shook the O.Z. and the monkeybats who live there, check out:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

PREVIOUSLY, ON TIN MAN: Everyone in this miniseries is carrying a little notebook.

This time: Who wants some narrative suspense! Or, some more Tin Man, whichever. )
glvalentine: (omg no)
And we’re back! I took a break to try to get some perspective, because after six thousand words on this stupid series and not even on Part Two, something was wrong. So, I took a breather and turned on the TV, and within seconds was just as hilariously pissed as ever!

To catch up on where all the money went so far, check out:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

PREVIOUSLY, ON TIN MAN:

Azkadellia has monkeybats that fly out of her boobs! What? Like you remember anything else from those two hours.


Join me for Hour Three, won’t you?

Welcome to Hour Three, In Which Our Heroes All Carry Little Notebooks Full of Hearts. )
glvalentine: (omg no)
We're back for another installment of Tin Man: The "Review". This review brings us up to the end of Part One of the miniseries. It's two hours of fun for the average viewer. So, so much more for me.

Long version so far:

Part 1
Part 2

PREVIOUSLY, ON TIN MAN:

DG leaves behind her backstory and stumbles around the O.Z. Alan Cumming is happy to be working again. Neal McDonough can pull a hat out of ANYWHERE. (The Evil Azkadellia can totally beat him at that game, by the way. Stay tuned!) Zero, all be-coated, is after DG; literally after, since it's been almost two hours and he hasn't caught a damn thing except maybe a cold. DG gathers a weenie telephone-lion, survives a cliff-jump, and finds her robot parents (beeoboopbeep)! She's all done with her trip - except she's not. They give her a hand tattoo, tell her she's destined, rob her of her free agency, and send them all to Central City!


Yes, after ninety minutes, we are finally off to see the wizard. )

This ends PART ONE. OF THREE. Oh, God, I should leave the house more.

Join us next time, when Cain is totally all right and unharmed. OH OF COURSE.
glvalentine: (omg no)
Watching this over, there are some things I didn't see through the hysterical sobbing the first time!

Oh, Tin Man. How do you hilariate me? Let me count the ways. )

Oh, Sundays

Dec. 9th, 2007 04:50 pm
glvalentine: (Default)
Spent most of last night dancing, and most of today sleeping, because I forgot that you can't wake up at 9am and dance from 10pm to 6am. Also, my tango heels are awesome, but they are four fucking inches high, and I swear that I woke up this morning without hamstrings.

The good news:

1. There's figure skating on ESPN, and one fo the pairs couples is in camouflage. Will the judges even be able to see them? *rimshot*

2. Tin Man starts at 5pm Eastern on SciFi and runs back-to-back. This is awesome, because I've already totally forgotten everything that happened in Hour Two that wasn't on the Old Road, so I'll be able to work on my review in real time and nail down some plot points. Because nobody wants to miss a moment of THIS exciting adventure! *stabs self*

3. Finished a story. Started another. Have the novel open to work on.

3a. Who am I kidding? There's no way I'm working on the novel when I can be watching Tin Man.
glvalentine: (omg no)
And we’re back! By all means start with:

Part 1

And then go get a cup of coffee, and then come back here. Pretend it was a commercial break.


PREVIOUSLY, ON TIN MAN:

DG is poorly named. Azkadellia the Evil Witch is even more poorly named, because she has a big unnecessary "l" right in the middle. Also, her last name is apparently Evil Witch. Azkadellia's men have huge guns and dimension-hopping technology, and they ride horses.

DG gets thrown into the O.Z. (bitch), and goes looking for her parents (beeboopbeep!). Instead, she finds racist Munchkins and Glitch. Glitch has a head-zipper. (Azkadellia sees the head-zipper and raises him some shoulder armor.) Glitch is looking for more lines, so he tags along on her escape along the Old Road. *thud*

THIS WEEK, ON TIN MAN: Looking for real plot and rich characterization? Well, go someplace else! We have short-sleeve fur blazers, and we don't want your kind here! )

In the next installment, we hit Central City! Are you thrilled? Frightened? Determined? No? Well, nobody in the miniseries is, either, so I guess that’s understandable.
glvalentine: (omg no)
Okay, so, in the interest of educating the populace as to the horrors of the Tin Man miniseries, i've embarked on a review. Below is Part 1 of ? (I'll let you know); the rest are coming as soon as I can type them up.


TIN MAN: A Not-at-all-brief Review to Spare the Populace

NOTE: I erased this thing from my TiVo INSTANTLY, so this is all from memory. There will be gaps. No, you won’t notice. It’s like saying someone poked a hole in your Swiss cheese.

Let's begin with some castin'! )

And, have some plot! )

Te Be Continued, because seriously, this thing was six hours long and I’m probably still in Hour One.
glvalentine: (omg no)
This morning at 1am, you could have found me shouting at my TV, because Tin Man was over - horribly, finally, dissastisfyingly, plot-holingly, nonactingly over. And also, unexpectedly over, since they ended it right in the middle of the narrative climax, without any closure or denoument whatsoever. Nice job, you guys!

I want so much to just sit down, sketch out another way this whole thing could have gone, and slap it up here, because what was good was WASTED, and what was bad was so, so plentiful, and it's a shame. I mean, the evil queen had a big death-ray thing she wanted to use in order to...make it always nighttime. No, seriously, that was what it was supposed to do. Make it nighttime.

Sigh.

Finished a short story today; no night-bringing death rays, but I'm building up to it.
glvalentine: (omg no)
I've made a huge mistake. (/Arrested Development)

You guys, this miniseries features flying monkeys that come out of a woman's cleavage. I mean, that's not all it has, but if I had to sum this thing up so far in a nutshell, it would be:

DG: (Has flashback about plot thing.) Oh no? You mean [plot thing]?
Glitch: [says nothing]
Raw: [says nothing]
Tin Man: [Does something to move the plot forward]
Evil Queen: [shoves monkey bats from her breasts]

I might just wait for the plot summary to show up on Wikipedia and call it a day. Two more nights of this is a sad prospect.

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Genevieve Valentine

September 2010

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